Do you ever get homesick?  Yes, of course, you do.  I do too.  But do you ever get homesick while sitting at home, with your family and friends around you?   Maybe I’m weird, but I do… a lot.  I’ll be sitting around with family and friends, enjoying an evening, eating good food, having good conversation, and then that feeling will hit.  It’s like this little nagging sadness.  It gives me an unsettled, restless sort of feeling that makes me wish I were…. well…. home, oddly enough.

I realize, looking back on my life, that I’ve had this feeling for a long time.  It’s kind of a subtle thing, though.  It doesn’t always come across like homesickness.  It usually strikes as a perceived need that has to be met.  I can easily tell myself that, when I feel unsettled, it’s because I need a nice big plate of comfort food…. mashed potatoes and gravy, stuffing, turkey… you know the drill.  Sometimes, when the feeling strikes a little harder, I’ll feel like I need to buy something.  I can rationalize that I feel unsettled because I don’t have the DVD I’ve been wanting, or the flat screen television that would really complete my home, or the car that would more reliably carry me around town.  When the feeling strikes even harder, I begin to think it’s because I’m not in the right career, or haven’t yet found the right hobbies or activities for myself.  When the feeling strikes really hard, I begin to think I’m living in the wrong part of the world.  I tell myself that if I could just live in the right place, I’d finally feel settled and at home.  Have you ever noticed that we spend almost all of our lives looking forward to “the thing” that will finally make everything good?   The right car, the right job, the perfect body, a fat bank account, an early retirement, a vacation, a winning lottery ticket?  But the funny thing (well, funny in a tragic sort of way) is that, if we are lucky or blessed enough to actually get a hold of some of these things, the feeling always returns again.  We might be happy for a day or two, but then another “thing” raises its ugly head and we’re off in pursuit of it, convincing ourselves that this new thing will be the thing that finally completes us.

C.S. Lewis addresses this beautifully in his book, “The Problem of Pain.” (I’ve added a few thoughts in italics):

“The Christian doctrine of suffering explains, I believe, a very curious fact about the world we live in. The settled happiness and security which we all desire, God withholds from us by the very nature of the world; but joy, pleasure and merriment, He has scattered broadcast. We are never safe (peacefully settled), but we have plenty of fun, and some ecstasy.  It is not hard to see why.  The security we crave (if we were actually given it) would teach us to rest our hearts in this world and (become) an obstacle to return to God; a few moments of happy love, a landscape, a symphony, a merry meeting with our friends, a bathe or a football match, have no such tendency. Our Father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home.”

Having read this and given it some thought, I realize that my moments of greatest homesickness usually come after — and sometimes even during — these moments of refreshing.  It is as if I catch a glimpse of my real home in these fleeting moments.   I know that a few ticks of the clock will find me back in this foreign country again, looking forward to the next brief rest at a “pleasant inn” and, ultimately, for the day I finally get to my true home.

Until then, I think I’ll try a new tactic.  Rather than contend with this homesickness by pursuing “things” that I think will settle me, I will instead pursue these “pleasant inns” that God has mercifully set up for us here…  “a few moments of happy love, a landscape, a symphony, a merry meeting with our friends, a bathe or a football match.”